This is excerpt from ‘Turbulence at The Tea Party’ originally performed by Thame Players in March and April 2025.

This excerpt is from Act Two. All the characters are Lewis Carroll’s classics, apart from Colin who is Alice’s boyfriend. ‘White’ stands for White Queen.

Dum: From now on, I just want to be… Dum.

Dee: You’re already dumb.

Hatter: Were you not involved in the choice, Dee?

Dee: It was definitely more his choice than mine.

Dum: I just want to be my own person, I’m not sure why it’s such a big

deal. 

Alice: Well then, congratulations, Dum! 

White: Hmm, it must be liberating. Well done, Dum, such courage!

Cheshire: Hear! Hear!

White: You’ll be alright, Dee. You hold a lot of value as an individual, 

It’ll all work out in the end! Let’s all make a toast to Dee and Dum!

Colin: I ain’t got any toast, miss.

Alice: Raise a glass, Colin.

Colin: I ain’t got a glass, either. 

Alice: Your tea-cup, raise your tea-cup, Colin. Must I tell you how to do 

everything?

Cheshire: See, Alice. 

Colin: What does Cheshire mean by that?

White: It’s no matter, not really. Shall we resume the tea party and try to have

just a little fun before somebody is banished forever?

Cheshire: I mean that you’re not good enough for our Alice, and you never will be.

Hatter: Hear, hear!

Colin: I don’t see how that’s any of your business, what you think of me makes

no difference. None of you lot are invited to the wedding anyway.

Rabbit: Whyever not?

Colin: Can you imagine the look on our parents faces if the circus showed up?

I mean, come on. A talking cat, a rabbit obsessed with time keeping, 

a… I’m not even sure what you are, Hatter bruv, and some mental woman

with a massive forehead.

Queen: What did you say?

White: He wasn’t talking about you. He was talking about another woman 

with a massive forehead. 

Queen: Colin, I think you murdered Hare. 

Colin: We’ve been over this, I’m sure. I didn’t murder Hare. Plus, you can’t 

just accuse me of murder to get us off the topic of your massive 

forehead. Why is it so big?

Alice: Colin, you’re being rude now.

Rabbit: I think you also murdered Hare, Colin. 

Colin: How interesting. I have a lovely little note here, Rabbit, about the jam

stain on your clothing. 

(All gasp).