An excerpt from ‘Murder at The Marigold Inn’ originally performed by Thame Players in October 2024.
This is an excerpt from Act Two of Murder at The Marigold Inn. Krystal and Jack are brother and sister, Mary is their Auntie. Penny is Jack’s love interest and Herman is the local Vicar.
(Krystal awkwardly waves to the audience through a fake smile and then leans on the coffee table to steady herself, groaning again).
Mary: What on Earth are you playing at?
Krystal: I don’t feel very well.
Mary: Let me check your temperature, here.
(Mary puts her hand on Krystal’s forehead).
Jack: What are you checking her head for? She’s pregnant, you silly
mare.
Mary: Now is not the time for your pranks.
Jack: I’m not pranking! Look at the size of her, she is massive.
Penny: Maybe she’s just been hungry.
Herman: How can she be hungry? She’s had all the food from my donation bins.
Mary: (To Krystal) Are you dizzy? I might have some Covid tests, I’ll have to
have a look.
Jack: I think labour and Covid might have slightly different symptoms.
Krystal: You’re not the doctor, how would you know?
Mary: Well I’ve not had either.
Jack: What, you’ve not had a doctor?
Mary: I’ve not had Covid or a baby, so I wouldn’t know.
Krystal: Co-op was rammed yesterday, maybe I caught it there.
Jack: You can’t catch a baby in the co-op.
Herman: You can if you throw it well enough. (Laughs to himself.)
(Penny lifts Krystal’s hoodie and shows off the bump).
Jack: I told you so!
Mary: Why didn’t you tell us?
Krystal: I thought it would go away.
Mary: That’s not how babies work, love. Jack, how did you know? (To Krystal)
Did you tell him and not me?
Krystal: I didn’t tell him nothing.
Jack: Look at her! Waddling like Pingu after a night out. You’d have to be
blind not to notice.
Penny: Whose is it?
Mary: It’s that ugly fella, the one who lives in the bungalow, isn’t it? Not an
ugly baby, oh my Lord.
Herman: Don’t bring him into this. Anyway, what difference does it make? Ugly
or beautiful? New life is precious.
Mary: Not when it’s being splattered about my floor!
Jack: You need to go to the hospital.
Krystal: (Sarcastically) Really? I thought I’d pop it out right here.
Mary: You’d love that, wouldn’t you? You scheming little witch.
Penny: (To Mary) You are not helping.
Mary: (To Krystal) This is just like you, anything to ruin my grand re-opening.
Our guests will never book again. That’s it, we’ll officially be bankrupt.
Herman: I don’t think that Krystal’s the problem, it was pretty ruined anyway.
(Krystal groans in pain).
Krystal: Get this thing out of me!
Penny: Right, Mary, grab an arm. (Gesturing to Krystal) Jack’s right, we need
to get her to a hospital.
Mary: I’m not going.
Herman: You’ve got to go, she’s your niece.
Mary: I’ve got to stay and look after our guests. Who will make them tea?
Herman: They’ll be okay, guests aren’t usually babysat on holiday.
Mary: I’m not babysitting - look, they’re all checking out later and I need good
reviews.
(Krystal SCREAMS in pain).
Penny: Jack?
Jack: What?
Penny: Will you come?
Jack: (Short pause) Umm, no. No, I don't think so.
Penny: Why not?
Jack: Don’t really want to, to be honest.